The Resting place

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." I heard this verse over and over, for a period of one year, back in 2019. When I say I heard, it was more like a voice, similar to the nagging voices I grew accustom to hear "you are so stupid" or "see, they are not calling you back" or " you always screw up". Those voices can be good as well, like "you look great" I heard, when I saw this shot from myself laying on the beach. "Girl, for a 55 years old woman, you look amazing" the voices continued. Those voices in my head are real. Nonetheless, the voice telling me to "Come to me, all you weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" was slightly different. It went on everyday, sometimes twice a day, for a period of at least one full year. Almost like a whisper, a gentle soft voice.

In the end, I understood what it meant...I could had understood sooner, had I done one simple thing:

Ask!

That's right, I didn't ask, knowing full well, that one of the main ways God speaks to us, is through His word. If I was hearing or been reminded of a Bible verse, it was probably God speaking to me, and I needed to ask Him, "Lord, what are you trying to tell me?" Simple no?. I didn't do, so the voice continued...

It turn out, I wouldn't go to God with all my anxieties or fears. ( I am not referring to the big fearful things, but the little tiny one's). It may not be clear to you, but anxieties are fears in different forms and shapes. It causes pain. I wouldn't acknowledge I had pain, I would try to do everything I knew, exercise, talk to people, complain, or worse, avoid thinking about it. I was good at that, avoid thinking about it.

When I say pain, it was more like those disappointing situations that can easily go imperceptive, subtle almost "normal" in case of the guilty I have for yelling at my dad weeks before he passed away, and I wished I never did, or the desire to know more what is inside my son's head (he is a grew up child), or the fear that I may grew older, alone (my mom is in Brazil and it can be lonely to have family member living abroad). All those little things, I thought was not important to look at it, to deal with it. It turn out, those little things make up for the big things. Those little disappointments or fears prevents me from been free and joyous, and if I am honest, I experience lots of those small disappointments, like trying to get something done and not be able to, at my time table.

The guilty or frustrations of events or situations can rob me, from the joy I deserve.

All I needed to do, and all I try to do, is to bring to Him, on a regular basis, everything. It requires honesty and transparency with myself, and it requires trust on the only one that can truly give me REST!