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Procrastination joy killer

After three years of procrastinating, I went to the Brazilian embassy today in order to file my divorce within their law. Otherwise I would be divorced in United States but still married in Brazil. It seems like a small thing but I waited and postpone for three long years and there was not one week that I didn’t think about it.

As a business owner I always have lots of papers to file, papers to clean up, quick-books to do or bank account to reconcile. Not to mention my children’s school e mails to read, places to go and people to see. My poor dog is always groomed later than it is suppose to. The list goes on with my OBGYN check up that gets delayed to the landscaper that I waited almost six weeks to call back to cut the grass that was consuming my house.

Off course I can give several reasons why I procrastinate and the most reasonable one is my financial situation.  My divorce followed by the decision to close my business (the lease expired and the option to stay was unviable) with a solid income brought me to a place of total chaos in which I think I live in “pain”. Yes, pain.

I started to connect my procrastination- anxiety- low self-esteem. I always had some anxiety or somewhat tendency to struggle with low self-esteem. However it got seriously magnified with the loss of a steady income. I can perhaps say I have been in a slight state of depression in which I still operate and get many things done but procrastinate become the name of my game.

I just don’t feel motivated enough to get several things done that could and would definitely increase my self-esteem. In order to fill the gap I “escape”  running out of the house to do mundane things, travel the internet and spending minutes reading stupidity, engaged in a task of “finding a boyfriend” via online date sites (gosh… it is so time consuming, distracting and self-esteem robber).

I decided that procrastination is an animal-devil-whatever we want to call it luring us away from our happiness. Once we face our “Goliath” we feel better about ourselves and consequently this “feel good” adrenaline propel us to keep going onto different tasks bringing us to a state of joy and peace.

My embassy trip was a perfect example. I managed to get into the car and drive to NYC and finally get to the Consulate talking to the people in charge. I was shocked when the man said all I need is the American divorce paper from the court and a small fee. I delayed three years fearing what? I feared that the whole ordeal was going to take days and endless amount of paper work but in reality the whole thing didn’t take more than 30 minutes.

The beautiful part of the story is that: I am still struggling financially and I still “escape” trying to numb myself by getting distracted with online date ( I will quit that), or reading the news for too long, sleeping, going out, etc, etc.The embassy trip gave me such a boost that I came home and clear my file cabinet ( at least two years of procrastination), I updated my quick-books advancing one and half month, I reconciled my check book, I wrote some checks and paid some bills, cleaned the kitchen and still had time to make dinner.

By the way, the whole trip was not planned into details. I drove to NYC and literally midway I thought about quitting. I persevere despite the desire to quit. Pick something to do this week and do it despite of your fears, anxiety and low self-esteem. This very action will reverse how you feel and boost your self-esteem.

Luciane Macalan

#mother #lowselfesteem #divorce #procrastination #devil #pain #inspiration

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