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My 5 little secrets

I love the the definition of insanity which states  “doing the same thing over and over expecting different results”. I may fall into the category of knowing I am doing the same thing over and over expecting different results yet…I continue to do it. I think the latter is the real crazy and insane one.

I started to talk to myself saying that unless I started to do things differently nothing will change, I even go to the extend of explaining to myself why It is so hard to do what I know I should do. It is as giving to my best friend an explanation the “why’s” of my behavior. That’s my pathetic side and just like an spectator I am capable of seeing what I am doing and even laugh at it.

In the end of the day I am not that demented and I do achieve my goals and dreams even if I go through periods of serious procrastination, insanity or fear. It got worst after the divorce which “they” say it is “normal”. They are the people who studies patterns of divorced people. We the “divorced” woman fall into the victim state or victim mentality in which we look for a savior.  Oh, don’t feel sorry for me I am not a victim, but it is overwhelming sometimes to be a mother, a provider, a business person and have to deal with a series of life trials. Inevitably after a period of numbness  I end up applying my little 5 secrets.

1. Action

It is so easy to get stuck in the wishful thinking where I wish things were different, I wish he or she didn’t do what they did, I wish my bank account had different amounts, I wish it was not as cold as it is, I hope I am not tired to get up tomorrow morning or I will pray that things gets better.

Once we face the reality that it is our actions that will propel a different outcome of results and not our status quo state, then we started to change. We need to accept that somethings can’t stay the same. We need to act, make phones calls, write letters, start to work out, and do our part of the end of the bargain.

2. Be crystal clear

It is important to be crystal clear of what direction do we want to go and what we want. I think this is one of the hardest things.

What do I want? What direction do I want to go? How much money do I want? what kind of work do I want to do? What kind of marriage do I want to have? Where do I want to live? How do I want my body to look? What kind of mental health do I want to be in?

Once we take the time to ask ourselves and to be crystal clear of what we want, it becomes easier to draw a map of action.

Sometimes we may not be crystal clear of the big picture, but we should have clear the short term desires and goals. For instance: My biggest dream was to travel the world while I was still living in Brazil. My dream was to visit Europe and live there. United States was never in my dreams, it was not appealing to me, nor the culture, the history, nothing. Europe was my thing.

I did leave Brazil, I did go to Europe, I lived in Spain, Portugal and England. I was studying in England when I went back to Brazil for a visit and the cheapest ticket back to England had a stop over in New York. Neither-less to say, I fell in love with New York from the sky. It got stuck in my mind and not too long after, I left England to come and visit America and the rest is history… this country captured my heart.

It is important to have clear desires, goals, tasks, ideas such as: I want my room organize and clean. I want a better shaped body or a saving account with $1000 in it, or my dog to be groomed, or I want to sigh up for a new class, or cook seven meals for the week, move from my house in the end of the school year, etc. The big picture will unfold as you go along but a list of tasks and goals is imperative for the week, month and year.

3. Write your goals, dreams, desires.

Make short range goals and long range goals. Write it down in different papers and place in key places in which you see it often. The very list of goals and tasks that you make will boost your self esteem once you started to mark as done. That’s why it is so important to write it down everything. Your list is also the proof that you do achieve your goals, desires and dreams. I make list for everything and it is very rewarding to see it accomplished.

4. Be Silent

Sit down 5 to 30 min a day to pray, talk to “God” and verbalize your desires and visualize good coming into your life. I believe in the power of prayer and I do love to read some of the stories of the bible. Take time to be alone and talk to the “universe” God whatever you prefer. I do believe in God and there are days in which I cry out to God to help me. He alone will not do the work that we are require to do it but it is important to take time alone. In that note I would like to write that “yes there are life miracles in which I believe God do and can make it happen” but for the most part we need to keep moving.


Make sure to acknowledge and be thankful for what you do have even if what you have is not the ideal. We may have it bad but someone somewhere have it worst. Trust me…It can get a lot harder and uglier. There is always lots to be grateful, from our eye sight to our health, a $5 dollar in our pocket instead of none, the hot water running from the faucets, our ability to make babies, and much more. I do have three children and I conceived them easily and beautifully. I had a good friend that was miserable for years for not been able to conceive. Be grateful, smile and hug someone else.

Luciane Macalan

#mother #lowselfesteem #divorce #procrastination #financialfreedom #journal #devil #positivethinking #inspiration

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