The hardships of our lives lure us to believe we are all alone in our pains or sorrows. I love to share my life stories so that you may relate to them and comprehend your own journey. Maktub is a great word…
and for those of us that have ex spouses we most likely would all agree “they” are all crazy. Jokes aside, truth be told I have a pretty decent ex and despite many differences including profound core beliefs, I must agree with one of his constant past statements and requests in which he said: “If I ever get to a situation that I am terminally ill or in life support, please help me, turn the machines off”. I was married to the guy for 15 years and he made me promise, I would never keep him alive if he can’t live on his own terms.
Please let me clarify right now that I am not referring to suicide. In no shape or form do I think a person should commit suicide. My ex was talking about a situation in which he claims he is “an invalid”, being kept alive by artificial means, unable to live life to the fullest.
I am mentioning my ex husband’s request because I feel that inadvertently I let part of my life be kept alive by artificial means. It is very possible to overlook the sadness of our hearts, the diseases in areas of our lives and the wrong direction it is taking.
I was guilty of going through the motions of life since my legal divorce in 2010, and in the midst of my personal storm I was confronted with a professional life changing decision. My commercial lease of my restaurant in Manhattan was up for renewal after 15 years. My choices were very limited, either close a very established business, find another location within the city or pay an absurd amount of rent.
I chose to not stay in NYC, but instead to open a similar new business in the suburbs closer to my home.
Interestingly my professional crisis combined with the divorce brought about even more burdens to deal with. I had some major downsizing to do. Divorces are not only complicated, but heartbreaking. Adding on the loss of my livelihood, the entire situation rocked my inner core. It brought me to my knees both in prayer and in humbleness.
When I opened a new business 3 years ago based on the success of my previous one, I overlooked the most important thing. My heart was no longer into it and as it turns out it doesn’t translate into joy, freedom and reward. This lack of fulfillment keeps me on life support, preventing me from doing what I am called for and from making the difference that I so desperately want to make.
I may be on life support, being kept alive by artificial means. I am however, one of those people that is still able to laugh even in the midst of my own crisis. In theory I should be a performer, an actress, a comedian. Try to envision someone walking around with an oxygen tank connected to her back still performing her duties. That someone is me.
Only recently I took the courage to ask myself “Are you happy Luciane?”. Is anything about the way you live, where you live, where you work, your finances and friendships that may be bothering you? Are you giving to the world what you feel you are called for? I felt dismayed and trapped by all the answers i found; and to make matters worse I remembered a couple of good biblical verses. I am by no means a minister neither a bible expert but Jesus was pretty good at analogies.
And he told this parable: “A man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard, and he came seeking fruit on it and found none. And he said to the vine dresser, ‘Look, for three years now I have come seeking fruit on this fig tree, and I find none. Cut it down. Why should it use up the ground?’ And he answered him, ‘Sir, let it alone this year also, until I dig around it and put on manure. Then if it should bear fruit next year, well and good; but if not, you can cut it down.’”
What about the other verse in which Jesus looks to eat a fig from the tree and “it doesn’t have figs” He cursed it, and said “It shall never have fruits again”. Ugh that is harsh.
I don’t think Jesus was all that crazy, even thought I wrestle with some of his teachings, in the tree case I agree. If doesn’t produce fruit, cut it down and plant a new tree.
While building a successful business, marriage and motherhood I had forgotten other dreams I once had in my teen years: to be a writer and to inspire others. How do I rescue my dreams and myself for that matter?
Like my mother once said “Luciane, if Maobe doesn’t go to the mountain the mountain comes to Him” in other words if you avoid dealing with something big, that same thing, turns around and hunts you down. After certain circumstances forced me to take a step back from my life, I didn’t want to look at it and face the painful reality that it is not producing fruits due mainly from my lack of passion for it. I had lost the passion for the retail industry. It hasn’t been where my heart is for a very long time
It is never too late, I can always prune and cut what is not producing fruits. In my case, I took the step to move houses, I am moving at the end of 2013, I put my business up for sale, got a part time job, and slowly I will pursue my teenage dreams in which I wanted to be a writer, a speaker, a teacher of personal development – I love to observe human behavior- and I am even planning to change cars, something that reflects more of my personality. I also changed my hair color for whatever reason, and I am focusing on the road ahead.
If you are one of those walking around with an oxygen tank on your back not pursuing your dreams, take time off and search your heart. Ask yourself the hard questions. Are you producing fruits? Are you doing what makes you happy?
Maktub. “It means it was written”. It is written that we are made for great things, nothing is a coincidence and those who seek find. Monumental changes do take some time but massive decisions must take place immediately. The changing course of a big ship starts with changing coordinates.
A cruise ship, by definition, is designed for the comfort of the passengers. Even in a critical rescue situation, getting the vessel to turn 180 degrees will take at least 10 to 15 minutes and anything faster would create huge problems.
A battleship, however, can turn much more quickly—one to three minutes—although the faster side of that time will induce discomfort and possibly even some damage to equipment that isn’t nailed down. These ships are designed for war, where every second of maneuverability can make the difference between life and death.
I don’t know about you, but you can’t get at a destination without goals and clear directions. There is no life if there is no death.
#mother #lowselfesteem #divorce #procrastination #financialfreedom #motherhood #dreams #lifelessons #lessonsoflife #positivethinking #motivation #hopes #humanbehavior #inspiration #Jesus #goals #achievements