Living on the edge

I drove a motorcycle. I always liked the trill of it ( I gave up after my divorce- my kids needed a mom ) and at times it felt as living on the edge while driving in Manhattan or driving back home in the NJ turnpike along 16Ft truck trailers. That was plain stupid.

I also loved to ski and some of our ski trips made me fell as if I was living on the edge specially when as an act of good motherhood I decided to go on the ski lift to the top of Whiteface Mountain, the biggest vertical in the east coast. My 3 children were excellent skier and even my youngest that at the

time was 10 years old, could go on black diamond trails.

We took the lift and I was delighted to be part of this adventure. We would ski down either black or blue trail. I was going to take the blue trail. Once I got to the top I froze. The blue trail was more like a black diamond. I was terrified, my 10 year old daughter told me I could do it. Really?

It did feel like living on the edge while skiing down, however, I am not referring to this type of living on the edge as I write this blog.

There is a verse in the bible that says: So, don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. today’s trouble is enough for today. In other words, today brings it’s own worries  why bother about tomorrow.

My parents struggled with money and I vowed as a teenager that I would always have a saving account, pay my bills on time and work hard.

I did pay my bills on time, I always had a savings account and for the most part I always worked hard. Then it came a storm…  my business lease renewal gets denied, my husband becomes an ex and I stay without working for one entire year “trying to figure out” what do to next. One full year without work as a divorced mom wasn’t the best call ever.

I was in what they call “hopeless state”. “They” are the counselor, psychotherapist, psychologists and everyone that dares to study human stupidity.

I think living on the edge is living with a huge blow to your self-esteem that paralyzes you and hinders you from making wise decisions, paralyzes you from believing that you can and will survive whatever storms comes your way. In my case living on the edge is trying to move forward when you awake up Friday morning and look at your business account and it is overdraft $1500 and somehow you need to gather within yourself the energy, the dignity to put a positive front, to gather within yourself the believe that somehow Monday morning all the checks are going to be covered.

I run a restaurant in which I deal with different customers, different personalities and not only I need to appear happy and content, but the food itself needs to be fresh, the dishes creative and purveyors paid. There are and there were many weeks in which I wanted to quit. I did ski down that crazy mountain and if my 10 year old daughter can encourage me to ski down, I can encourage myself to keep moving in the trail of life.

There was a time in which I would literally argue with God and say how dare you tell me not to worry? I have children to feed, people to pay, places to be, credit cards APRs too high, house to run, customers to please and a dog to walk.

It eventually downed on me that in the mist of a storm Jesus decided to take a nap! I guess it is downing on me that I also can take a nap and tomorrow is tomorrow and today is all I have.

I can’t change the past not worry about tomorrow but I can enjoy the moment. Storms are not forever and the sun does rise more beautiful than ever once a storm passes.

I encourage you to ski down your mountain. Storms are not forever, the sun does rises more beautiful than ever after all is said and done and if I can find within myself the strength to fight while my bank account shouts at me “looser” and I shout back saying I am not a loser, the game of life is not over.

I am the master of my own destiny and so is you. You can fight,  you are the master of your own destiny, and there is always a light in the end of the tunnel.

Winston Churchill “Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm”.

blessings,

Luciane Macalan

#mother #lowselfesteem #divorce #procrastination #financialfreedom #journal #positivethinking #ski #money #inspiration #Jesus