It is hard to imagine, but back in 1988 we had no cell phones, neither easy access to international calls. I had to use a pay phone, to call Brazil from London where I lived, to talk to my mom for five minutes. It was a very calculated quick conversation. I needed to rehearse what I wanted to say, and make time to listen to her voice.
I couldn't afford to call everyday, it was a once a week event. I loved letters, because more could be shared and explained.
My daughter decided to move to Israel in 2018 and yes, with the cellular age and different phone applications, it was easier to feel close to her. I could call without worrying about the charge of the call. In theory, all sounds great, but in reality, whether in 1988 or today, 2022, the difficulties remained. There is different time zones, different schedules, different circumstances in people's life, different moods or mindsets, that affected and still affects my phone calls or video calls. We re not together, period.
The times I spend with my mom in Brazil or with friends when I go visit, is completely different than when I speak with them over the phone. I experience the day to day, I can share meals with them, or get to witness how my mom cares for the laundry, how much time see puts into organizing everything. I can smell the fragrance of the early mornings or the incredible sunsets in Porto Alegre.
My daughter was driving me to have dinner with the sun setting behind the mountains, in the Northern part of Israel, with a song playing over the speakers of the car...a beautiful song, that engulfed the atmosphere, and at that second, I wished God would freeze the moment.
Give me your presence, not just your voice, is what I ask from God. In Psalms 51:11 "Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me".
I think I spent too much of my life trying to hear God, to understand His will for my life that I lost sight of how precious, and valuable, His presence is. "Come closer to Him and He will come closer to you" says the bible. It is interesting, but to come closer means to quite my heart, to make the time, to shut the noise, make the effort to seek His face, like when everyone goes to bed and I can savor the silence of the nights. I look forwards to some of those nights.
When, and I say when, I manage to experience His presence, it is better than any talk or any sermon I can hear. It brings me right back to that moment on that road at Upper Galilee Israel, where words was not necessary!